This Feeling, Guess the Meaning
by Jessica Doom
Summary: Somehow Harry's love life just doesn't feel...right lately. He left Ginny, scared and unsure of what he needed instead. Until a case at Draco Malfoy's apothecary stirs something sleeping inside of him. It leaves him confused and searching for answers. What he finds will turn his life completely upside-down.


**A/N: I'm always happy to do requests! And this one came from user lacey powell 319! She asked for a creature Drarry fic and... this is what I came up with! I hope everyone enjoys it :D Please let me know what you think!**

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Another letter came that morning from Ginny. It was full of pleading and tear-stained ink blots, just as the previous six that week had been. She kept begging to just see him. She was desperate for him to change his mind. She just wanted to be able to kiss him again and show him just how much she loved him.

But Harry couldn't pretend anymore. He could no longer tell her that he returned her feelings. He couldn't lie with her in bed and go through those actions any longer. They seemed mechanical and _right_, but so wrong. They didn't feel deep down in his bones like what he really should be spending his time on. No doubt he loved Ginny, but it wasn't in the way she wanted. It didn't seem right to lie to her about that anymore.

They'd only been broken up two weeks. He'd been living at Grimmauld Place since he'd moved out of the flat they had used to share. The nights were long and sleepless, full of guilt and confusion. His mind raced, turning over and over again about why exactly he had left something so perfect. Why he just couldn't have felt content with this woman who was everything he should want.

He should have married her….

As he traipsed into the Ministry of Magic, Harry's steps were heavy. His whole demeanor had shifted since he'd made that hard decision. He walked around a broken man. Everyone kept asking why he had done it. They didn't understand, because he seemed so distraught. Like she had left him, instead.

Truthfully, he couldn't even begin to understand what had happened. It was just that one night they were in bed and getting hot and heavy and then…. All of a sudden it didn't feel right. And he bolted. It wasn't the right reaction, he was aware of that. Maybe he should have said something, but he couldn't even explain it. There was something inside of him that just kept screaming at him. Roaring and tearing through his heart so violently that he had no will but to obey it.

He was becoming a slave to whatever that thing inside of him was. It kept him from even going near Ginny. It had him conversing with Ron and Hermione as little as possible. Truthfully, he wasn't speaking to anyone. He kept to himself, except for when a random stranger would walk by. His body would perk up and he'd have to watch them like a hungry wolf. His heart would beat furiously and his breathing would become more rapid. Without knowing what he was doing, he would take in a deep breath like he was trying to catch their scent.

It was awkward, to say the least.

"Harry, wait!"

Catching his breath, Harry halted his steps. He took in a breath, steadying his strange nerves, before turning around to give Ron a taught smile. "Yeah?" he asked quietly, running his fingers through his hair in an effort to calm down.

"There was a disturbance down in Diagon Alley. Malfoy's Apothecary, I guess. They're sending the two of us down there. Let's go." Ron said simply. There was no greeting, no smile. He was upset with Harry, that was for sure. He'd broken his sister's heart. That was enough for anyone to hate someone, especially someone's best friend. Ever since, every conversation with him was tense like this.

Without another word, the two of them exited the Ministry through the fireplaces, Flooing separately to the newest business to settle into Diagon Alley. Harry had yet to visit the apothecary, he didn't much have a reason to go. But as he landed inside, just behind Ron, he could instantly feel a liking to this place. Frowning, he looked around, trying to figure out why the dark shop filled with a wild array of wild-colored potions and strange ingredients could be inviting. He even felt warm, but maybe that was due to the hot summer day that it was turning out to be?

"Fucking finally!"

Shaking his head, Harry stepped further inside and noticed there was something off. There was a tense air around them, radiating mostly from the corner closest to the store room. He couldn't place where the voice had come from exactly, but he knew the pitch by heart. And for some reason that relaxed him visibly. He stepped around Ron with a small smile on his lips and made his way for the door behind the counter. "Malfoy?"

"I sent my emergency signal nearly an hour ago. What the hell could have taken so long?! Aren't you pricks supposed to be on call or something?" Draco Malfoy shouted and Harry followed his voice like he was the pied piper.

"Calm down, Malfoy. There must have been another case that took precedent. No one was ignoring you on purpose," Harry reassured, glancing back at Ron just as the man muttered, "Oh, yes they were…." He sighed softly, hating the politics of the Ministry. He was there to help people, not just help the people they wanted to. Ordeals like this frustrated him, honestly.

The door to the store room was cracked wide open. Harry entered through it cautiously, not altogether sure what he was going to find inside. It was a mess, just as much as the outside shop was clean and pristine. He frowned, stepping inside and observing further. Liquids of various consistencies and colors were splashed amongst shattered glass all over the concrete flooring. Half of the shelves were empty and a few were even knocked askew. If he had to take a guess, he would say it had been a robbery.

But that wouldn't explain the state of its owner. Unable to help himself, his hand flew up to his mouth to hold back a gasp. He honestly hadn't seen Draco Malfoy in this bad of shape since he'd inflicted pain on the man himself. Four years ago in the bathroom at Hogwarts…. A shudder ran through him as he remembered all of the blood and forced himself to and not let the two events connect.

"Bloody hell," Ron whispered behind him, snapping his head back into the now. He was worth nothing just standing here with his mouth open.

Harry shook his head back and forth, taking a few steps closer to the blonde man. Surveying him in all of his bloody glory. A spell must have been binding him to the chair he was in, because he could honestly so no other reason for Malfoy to be sitting so taut in the middle of the room. His robes were in a mess on the floor before his feet, looking as if they had been shredded off. The white shirt he still wore was in no better condition. There were cut lines through almost every inch, stained around the edges with bright red. Underneath, his chest matched every single scratch. There were too many wounds to count, ranging over his arms and his neck. And his face…. His face was the worst part….

The pit of his stomach deepened drastically as his eyes scanned the word etched into the man's forehead. "Keep staring," Malfoy snided, wincing as his eyebrow raise wrinkled the cuts. "I'm fucking fine just sitting here in pain, thanks."

There was definitely no loss to Malfoy's brash nature over the years. His tone was a bit subdued, though, probably due to the pain he had mentioned. "Sorry!" In a rush, Harry closed the distance between them and ran his wand wordlessly across the man's body. With his excellent training, he was able to identify the spell quickly and reverse it so the blonde could once again move.

"Thank you," Malfoy ground out between his teeth, sitting up and groaning loudly.

A noise that sounded oddly beautiful to Harry…. He raised a brow, hating the way his whole being reached out towards this man as it did with those strangers. Searching him for…something. A sudden protective urge came over him, causing him to stumble backwards a few steps. What was going on with him?

"Alright, what happened?" Ron ground out, leaning against the wall. Remaining impartial. It was alarmingly clear that all he wanted here was to get in and get out as fast as possible. Though he did not stop staring at the bloody word etched into the man's forehead. "Obviously this was a... What do they call it, Harry?"

Biting his lip, Harry knelt down to examine the floor. He just couldn't be comfortable with the way looking at this man made him feel. Not with his friend standing right there. "A hate crime," he supplied, recalling Auror training vividly. The photos and the death numbers all over the world. Surprisingly, this was the first one they'd ever had to deal with.

There was a slight slump to Malfoy's shoulders at the question. He looked down, wetting his lips and wincing as he tasted blood. "What does it say?" he asked under his breath. He seemed to be a collected form of humiliated.

Neither Auror spoke right away. They didn't want to be the one to reveal the horrible thing etched into the man's skin. If he didn't take care of it soon, it would scar. And then he would have to carry that around for the rest of his life.

"Queer," Harry supplied after a few uncomfortable minutes. He threw Malfoy a sad smile, letting him know he was in no way enjoying this. As much as they'd had differences in the past, he wasn't one to carry a school-time grudge for the rest of his life. Besides, his family had proved themselves near the end of the war. "I'm sorry and I know it probably isn't easy to talk about... But we do need to know the details in order the catch whoever did this."

Malfoy seemed startled by the kind tone Harry spoke to him. It was nearly a complete turnaround from Ron's harsh voice. "Um... I don't think I'll actually press charges. For personal reasons..."

"Good, make my job easier." Ron flipped shut the pad of paper he had been ready to write in and turned towards the door. "Coming, Harry?"

A conflict arose in Harry. The part of him that was still normal said he should. It was the logical thing to do. But something else was nagging, too... Something that told him to stay. That this was what he needed... Which was odd because what on Earth could he ever need from Draco fucking Malfoy?

"I think I'll stay," he found himself saying in the end, pulling out his wand. "Help clean up a bit. I'll see you back at the Ministry later." This was sure to upset the man, but Weasleys and Malfoys never got on. Anger was expected when someone close chose one over the other.

But he and Ron weren't exactly close right now. All Harry's own fault, of course. So the ginger-haired man left eagerly, not even stopping to question intentions. Harry frowned as he watched him go, straightening up and gripping his wand securely. Then turned to face Malfoy's questioning gaze. He blushed a little bit, shrugging and taking unsure steps forward. "Do you have a healing salve that will prevent scarring?" he asked softly, for some reason eager to help this man he once hated so passionately.

Nodding, Malfoy lifted himself up off the chair. "Luckily only the really rare and expensive potions were ruined," he hissed, limping out of the messy store room.

Harry followed him, watching his every move. Wanting to reach out to him and hold him securely. To protect him from current and further harm. He found himself taking helpless steps after the blonde mess, something dangerous stirring inside of him. "What happened?" he asked softly, his voice soft and tight as he settled for leaning in the doorway. "Off the record, of course…." Curiosity was eating at him, egged on by whatever was making him act so weird.

Malfoy gave a tired sigh, running his fingers over the potions still on their shelves in the shop. "What happened is…. I learned that it's not a good idea to sleep with a married man. Sometimes they have vindictive wives…."

So the word on the man's forehead was a true indicator. He really was gay…. And for some reason that felt like a great thing to know for Harry. He frowned, hating the way his eyes roamed over that small body – cuts and all. It was undeniable that he was beautiful. Even if Harry had always identified himself as straight, he couldn't avoid thinking about this. And he wasn't sure exactly what that made him. "Well that seems like a good lesson to learn," Harry said quietly, stepping towards the other man and taking the vial he'd pulled off the shelf. "Let me help."

For a moment, it seemed like Malfoy didn't know what to think. Didn't know what to say. This was foreign from how they used to act around each other. He felt more comfortable with Weasley here visibly hating him. But this…. This was strange. Harry could read these feelings easily in his eyes. And then they softened as he was giving in. He relinquished his hold on the vial and leaned back against a wall, tilting his face up to the other. "What are you playing at, Potter?" he asked as Harry's soft fingers spread salve over the word cut into his forehead first.

"Just doing my job," Harry said gently, giving a smile he never thought he could conjure in this particular man's presence. But he knew it was beyond just doing his job. He wouldn't be using such care if that were the case. His fingers wouldn't be caressing the broken skin so lovingly if it were. And he wouldn't allow his fingers to unbutton what was left of the man's shirt. And he most definitely wouldn't have enjoyed that pathetic, little mewl Malfoy let out at the light caress to his skin.

"So your job includes personal Healing, now?" Malfoy sighed, his head falling back against the wall. He wasn't even trying to hide the happiness this brought him. The way his breathing shallowed and his eyes half-lidded.

"_In very special cases…_," Harry hissed back, taking a deep breath before leaning in. He wasn't sure what his plans were when he did, but it just felt like the right thing to do. And when their lips crashed together violently, it felt like something finally made perfect sense in his life. He groaned, arms encircling Malfoy's neck in a python-like grip.

The reaction from the other man came a little slow. There was definite hesitation, and he even tried to push Harry off for just a second. But it was nothing more than that. He gave in to the lust flowing between them and pulled Harry even closer. "Keep doing that," the blonde murmured between their crushed lips, his fingers delving into the untamable black locks at his disposal.

Harry wasn't really sure what he was doing that was so hot, but he didn't change a thing. He kept a bruising pressure on the man's lips, surprisingly sure of himself. Never had he thought about kissing a man, but this was actually wonderful. The heat in the pit of his belly was a great sign to that.

"Say something, Potter," Malfoy panted, his fingers coming down to settle just inside Harry's waistband. Harry gasped, looking down at the man's unwavering courage, then back to his liquid silver eyes. "Anything…."

It wasn't altogether surprising that Malfoy wanted his conquests vocal. He probably couldn't get it up without hearing a million compliments. That wasn't really attractive…. But the _thing_ inside of Harry wasn't ready to deny that he wanted this. That he _needed_ this. "_What do you want me to say, Malfoy? I want you…. I don't know why, but I want you."_

"Oh, Merlin…. That's it….." Malfoy groaned deeply, causing Harry's trousers to suddenly feel tight. "I want you to fuck me, you sexy snake. I can clean up later – my flat's above the shop…."

_Sexy snake…?_ Harry wondered to himself, pulling back enough to look the blonde man over. His clothing was still blood-stained, but his cuts were nearly all the way healed. They left not a single scar, which clearly showed the marring that he himself had left upon Malfoy all those years ago…. Somewhere in the back of his mind, this alarmed him. That part of him came to his senses and begged for him to run away. They were too different. Just this morning he was sure he would still hate this man. They didn't get on….

What was he doing?! Why was he walking with the blonde up a set of stairs in the store room? Why was his body yearning inhumanly for just one carnal moment with this specific man?

"You're lucky you're Harry Potter," Malfoy said softly, walking backwards as he guided them towards his bedroom. "I don't usually just…sleep with people. I swear." He chuckled softly, for a moment showing vulnerability with just a small smile.

Nodding, Harry gently pushed Malfoy back towards the bed. He didn't want the man to keep talking. If he kept talking, it gave Harry the time to rethink this. And it definitely felt better to just allow this to happen. Warring with whatever impossible force was inside of him felt like he was tearing himself in half. For now, this could just happen. It could be okay. He could think about what he did later.

"_Let's just do it_," he said softly, crawling up over Malfoy as he settled upon the pillows.

In a rush of heat and a lack of emotions, both men stripped down to absolutely nothing. They admired each other's naked bodies with dark kisses and exploratory caresses. Each time the blonde moaned or made a satisfactory noise, Harry's actions were spurred on further. An ugly, animalistic part of his brain reared up and took over. It pushed back all of the doubts and hesitancies he had. Never had he done this. Never had he considered what it would feel like or how he would go about it. Having sex with a man was foreign.

And yet he didn't falter in a single step of it. He prepped Malfoy like he'd been doing this for years. His fingers very gently worked to stretch him out to accommodate his size. He wasn't _huge_, but who was, really? He'd seen Muggle porn and he knew that no one was realistically sculpted like that. But he was large enough that he knew there was no way he could fit into that petite entrance without harming the man. It was very different than having sex with a woman….

"I'm good. I'm ready…," Malfoy panted after Harry had started to stretch him out with a third finger. He removed his digits, tugging on the man's calves to secure them around his waist. He lined up, already slicked, and pushed in. It was absolute bliss...

"_Fuck…. You're tight_," he groaned, settling and waiting as he somehow knew he should after burying himself deep inside the blonde man. From this position, he could stare right down into Malfoy's usually cold eyes. They met his, for a moment reflecting their green as they shined in lust. And right then he wondered how he'd never thought about this before – being gay. Nothing about this felt wrong. It was sexy and lovely and passionate in a way sex with Ginny never had been.

This must be why he'd broken things off with her. Maybe, deep down, he was gay. Maybe he just needed to acknowledge that….

"Go on," Malfoy said on a soft breath, reaching up to pull Harry's mouth down to his. Their hips pulled away for what seemed like an agonizing few seconds, but as they crashed back together it was all forgotten. All Harry wanted to do was keep up those lovingly slow, but deliberate, actions. In and out, like a breath. Like something he needed to survive.

And then, just as it had started, it was ending. Harry came to orgasm quicker than he usually did. His eyes widened and he looked down at Malfoy to try and warn him. But just as he was opening his mouth to say, "_Draco…I'm gonna…_," on a biting breath, he came violently. That part of him that felt like an animal released a noise that borderlined a hiss and a moan.

"I…I don't understand…," Malfoy whispered, breathless, avoiding looking up at the other man as he slipped sheets up over his exposed body. "I mean, the Parseltongue…it's sexy. But I don't speak it…. You know that, right?" He hadn't released at the same time as Harry, but as he pulled out, the Auror could see his hand moving under the blanket.

_Parseltongue…?_ And just like that, a realization crashed over Harry. He felt sick. He felt dirty. Slowly, he backed up on the bed and until he was on the edge, nearly tumbling off in his desperation. He turned away, instantly feeling sick. Whatever had made him think this was right was gone now. He was in the correct state of mind now. And he just couldn't understand what had come over him….

"Ohh, Harry…." Draco's moan of his name came with the snapping back of his head against the pillows. The movement under the sheets became slower, like he was milking his orgasm.

"This was a mistake," Harry whispered, making sure he was speaking English. Making sure he wasn't allowing whatever subconscious part of him take over that decided to speak that language he tried to forget he knew. He never used it. It was a dark power that he wished he didn't have. And since Voldemort had been defeated, he hadn't seen a single need for it.

So why now…?

Harry rushed out of the shop, pulling his clothes on hastily, and to the street as fast as he could. His breathing was shallow and he felt dizzy. For a moment, he just spun around I'm circles, completely disoriented. He couldn't believe he'd done that.

He'd just had sex with Draco Malfoy, of all people... And he couldn't even process enough to figure out if he had enjoyed it. Or if that was just whatever had come over him...

As if guided by instinct and ingrained memory, Harry made his way to the only place that felt right. It was a bad idea showing up there, but his feet carried him anyway. He still his key... And it was early, yet.

He was aware enough of his actions to keep his steps quiet. To shut the door without making noise. To turn the knob to the bedroom slowly and step over that floorboard in the doorway that creaked. Vaguely, he recalled there being a Harpies match the night before. It was the first one of hers he'd ever missed. So the fact that she was still sleeping wasn't really all that surprising.

Ginny faced the door, but was passed out completely cold. She was lying half on her stomach, half on her side. Her left leg was hitched up and the right hung just slightly off of the mattress. The blankets just barely tangled around her to cover the fact that she only more panties and a tank top. Half of her face was hidden by her wildfire hair, clearly showing off the one strip of bubblegum pink that she now always had.

Overall, she looked absolutely irresistible. But that didn't stir really anything in Harry. He really wasn't sure what to think about that, and so pushed the thought for his mind. His gut-feeling was that he needed to just forget what he had done. He needed to do something – really anything – in order for this to happen. That's why he crawled into bed next to her. Why he wrapped his arm securely around her and pulled himself close.

"…Harry…?" Ginny grumbled, her eyes fluttering open. Slowly she flipped over, turning in the arm. Her eyes held a mix of concern, confusion, and mild relief. "Why are you here…?"

"I messed up, Gin. I shouldn't have left you." Harry just rattled off words, trying to fix the situation between them. Trying to get into a comfortable state where he could pretend the last two weeks never happened. Especially this morning…. "I'm an idiot. And I'm owning up to that. Okay? I miss you. I love you. I'm sorry…." He ran his fingers through her hair, capturing that pink chunk and twirling it affectionately.

Slowly, the woman was waking up. Slowly her face was shifting into an expression of slight anger. And, slowly she was pulling away, swatting at Harry's hand. "For two weeks you just completely ignore me, and then you crawl right into bed next to me and pretend that nothing happened?! Does that seem right to you?" She scoffed, clearly torn between hurt and elation.

Harry followed her, swinging his leg over her body and caging her in with his arms. "Yes…." But really it didn't. This felt safe, but it didn't feel right. Not in the way being with Malfoy earlier had felt right…until he'd become so aware. Until fear took over. He shook his head, leaning down and setting his teeth and tongue to Ginny's neck.

As she always did, Ginny let out a small groan. Her hips arched up to his and her eyes rolled just slightly. Harry knew the things that could undo her. But she didn't want this. After the initial reaction, she pushed on his chest and kept muttering for him to stop, that this wasn't something they should be doing.

"I want to come back. I want to live with you again. And love you. And fuck you. I just need you and I'm sorry and I'll never leave again…. I promise I'll never leave you again. Take me back and I'll be here forever."

"Harry! Get off!" Her toned Chaser muscles came in handy as Ginny pushed the man off. Harry toppled backwards, off the bed. Ending up on the floor in a mess, holding his head though he'd only hit his backside. Something was terribly off with him, she could tell that, but was unsure of whether to care. "What is wrong with you?!"

The question felt like a bucket of ice water had been thrown upon Harry. He hissed in a breath, curling close into himself. His knees to his chest and his head in his hands upon them. Willing the memories from that morning away. What _was_ wrong with him? Why was his world suddenly falling apart? Why did he want to want this more than anything, but just couldn't?

"I don't know," he sobbed out, tears streaming down his face helplessly. "I'm an idiot. I don't know what's going on with me…. And I made a terrible mistake!"

Ginny crawled to the edge of the bed and peered down at him, but didn't follow him to the floor. "You already said that. I know you don't believe you made a mistake, though. Leaving me…. But I don't think _you_ believe it. Deep down you know you don't."

Harry's sobs harshened at her words. He didn't honestly know what he believed anymore. "That's not the mistake I meant!" he cried helplessly. "I…." He couldn't believe it, but he was going to actually admit it…. "I slept with Malfoy…. With Draco."

A stunning silence settled over the room. It was eerie and neither knew quite what to say. The revelation was shocking and out of the blue. If Harry had slept with another girl, any other girl, it would have been fine. It wouldn't have made much of a difference because if he left there must have been a good reason. But this…. This reason didn't make sense. Never had Harry presented himself as anything but straight. This was unexpected. It took time to process. It needed an explanation….

"I... I don't understand, Harry," Ginny said softly. She sat back upon the pillows now, worrying at her lip. Just trying to understand, more than anything. Something wasn't clicking between the information and reality, right now. "You…. You slept with Malfoy. When? While we were dating? And why?! He's a git! If you're gay, you could at least pick someone who's worthy. And you could have told me…."

Desperately trying to dry his tears, Harry shook his head. He looked up at Ginny, an absolutely broken man. "No…. This morning. Just before I came here…I was with him. And I honestly have no idea why I did it. I'm _not_ gay. I'm not…. I don't know what I am anymore! I don't understand what I've done! Any of it! Leaving you…being with him…." He let out an injured noise that sounded so unlike him that Ginny looked around the room to make sure they were alone. "Something's wrong with me…."

XxX

More than anything, people around Harry were worried about him. He was a mess and that was easy to tell. And he had a wonderful support system. Most of them were able to get over who had brought it all about. Ron was still wary about the entire ordeal, but once they had an explanation….

Hermione had researched for weeks on end. She was diligent in trying to figure out just what was happening to Harry. She grilled him on exactly what went down. His feelings. His thoughts. The exact things he did with Malfoy. It was invasive and hard to get through, but important.

And, in the end, they did end up with their answer. And it was actually slightly horrifying, but made one hundred percent sense.

Hermione came to him with a heavy heart the day she found out. He had just arrived at Grimmauld Place, home from work, when she flooed into the kitchen fireplace. It wasn't much of a surprise, she'd been doing this the last few weeks. Coming to him with more questions or a possible theory that usually turned out wrong. This time, however, she wasn't her usual studious self. "Put down the tea!" she screeched, her eyes round and manic. She honestly looked rather rabid. Harry smiled, settling the tea kettle down upon the counter and turned to look at her, expectant. All ears.

"I figured it out, Harry. This _has_ to be it, I _swear_!" The girl with her usually managed curls much resembling their state from when they were in first year crossed the kitchen quickly. She set a stack of papers down upon the table, spreading them out into specific piles. "I've been going through the research library at St. Mungo's. You're not going to like it, but…it's an answer." Underneath all of that excitement, there was a small smile of hope.

Thinking good thoughts, like maybe it was treatable, Harry went to her side. He gave her a small hug and a kiss to the cheek before adjusting his glasses and peering down at the papers. None of them made sense. Some were what looked like articles from medical journals. Others, scribbled notes. A few were letters between two people he didn't know. And then there were these pages that looked so formal…. So scientific. He frowned, grabbing one of these and reading the title. "'_Parselmouth Mating Processes_'?" It sounded so bizarre he had to snort a laugh. Slowly, he went back over to the stove and poured two cups of tea. Shaking his head and grinning ridiculously. "Keep looking, Hermione."

"No!" Hermione snapped, hitting her palms harshly upon the table. Her passion ignited a few sparks from the wand holstered to her forearm. "Get back over here and look at this! _Really_ look at it!"

"This is dumb, Hermione," Harry sighed as he went back to the table. He set the cup down in front of her before taking a sip of his own.

The woman gave a sympathetic exhale through her nose and merely shrugged. "It's absolutely bonkers, I know. Trust me…I know. But you need to look at it. Just trust me."

It took a few more moments of contemplation before curiosity got the best of Harry. He gave a nod of consent before sitting down. He grabbed the same document again and took a deep breath before reading on.

Until he reached a certain section, he said not a word. He read on diligently, making confused facial expressions with Hermione looking on with encouragement. But there was a point where he could no longer handle it. "'A new subject has arrived in the study. She is a nineteen-year-old that has just begun to notice her habits forming. She is quite perplexed at the way they have presented themselves. The process for her seems to have been triggered by another woman. Patient five says she has never had sexualized thoughts in response to those of her same sex. She is also quite distressed that this woman has since become pregnant – seemingly with patient five's child. We are going to look into this further. Thus far, the mating process has only presented between couples of opposite sex.'"

The words settled between them, seeming almost too heavy for only two to carry. "What is this?" Harry whispered, quite horrified at what he had read and what it seemed to mean. "What am I reading?"

"Um…." Clearing her throat, Hermione finally sat down beside Harry. She gently patted his knee and stared at the document, as well. "A…doctor in Austria studying this…phenomenon. He started with an ancestor of the first recorded speaker – Paracelsus. It's a difficult task to study, apparently, since there aren't very many Parselmouths left in the world. So far he only has seven from around the world, therefore the research is quite stagnant. But I think it's enough for us to-"

"Hermione," Harry interrupted, tapping the page impatiently. "_What_ is it?"

Catching her tongue, Hermione threw her hands up in the air. "I'm trying to tell you! Sorry…. This is the patient log from his report. I understand that it doesn't really tell you anything…. But I thought the same-sex thing may catch your eyes. Basically, this study is about Parselmouths...and what occurs when they go through their mating cycle. Does that make sense?"

_No._ None of this made sense. It was like she was speaking an entirely different language and he just couldn't keep up. Maybe he just didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to know that what was going on with him had anything to do with this 'gift' he didn't even much like from a psychotic wizard trying to kill him as a baby. That reasoning was too harsh. But he nodded his head anyway.

"What this doctor has found is that when someone who can speak Parseltongue reaches a certain age - it varies for everyone depending on their own body - something in their genes takes over. It's like...that part of them is essentially an animal in hiding. Which would explain something about being able to vocally sympathize with snakes. But, um... Harry, what happened to these other people is what happened to you..."

This was all logical. It seemed like something that made sense on paper or in theory. But to Harry... He just couldn't wrap his head around it. Hermione was suggesting that a part of him wasn't human. And that this part could control his actions. It was like a stab to chest! "What happens?" he asked, breathless. It felt like he couldn't pull enough air to his lungs. The panic was suffocating him.

Hermione watched Harry very closely, hesitant to go on. She looked concerned, but that excitement she got from knowledge was still twinkling bright in her eyes. "Well... It's like any other animal in heat, really. They seek a mate. Something happens that makes them unsatisfied with their current partner if they have one. They become restless. They start searching for the perfect mate. It's actually a rather impressive process. The way they can sense who will be perfect for them. The best candidate for gene melding. Someone who can...produce the most effective offspring..."

_Like the two women... _"No matter the gender?"

"Exactly." Grinning like a proud teacher, Hermione pulled out another piece of paper - a medical journal of sorts. "He, Dr. Bietak published these findings based upon that woman and what he discovered. Really, it completely changed everything around as far as how he studied."

"So what is the main point of this? What exactly happens?" Harry asked, starting to become impatient. He could feel a headache coming on and sort of just wanted to be alone with his thoughts.

Being his best friend, the woman was able to pick right up on this. "Sorry...there's time for detailed information later. Basically, your body reached its mating stage. You broke off from Ginny because she wasn't your right...'mate'. And supposedly Malfoy was. Apparently the two of you are quite genetically compatible. So you were almost powerless to object to it."

That was the part that scared Harry more than anything. He couldn't control this... And if he couldn't control it, did that mean he had to go back? Or would this happen with someone else? Was he just going to be a slave to this desire for the rest of his life? "How long does it last? How often am I going to have to stand by and allow my body to make decisions for me?" he asked brusquely, pushing harshly up off his chair and stomping to the kitchen sink to dump his cup.

"As far as this doctor can tell…it isn't constant. For some it just happens the one time and it's over for the rest of their life. And then for others…it happens once every couple of years until their body decides mating is no longer necessary. That's really all it depends on, Harry. So this could have been it. This could have been your one chance at mating. But it could also happen again. It's impossible to tell for sure. I'm sorry I can't give you more reassurance than that, but…." Gathering her papers, Hermione stood as well. She could sense that brooding mood settling over Harry and intended to be gone before it hit. "I can leave these with you, if you'd like. So you can read more…."

Harry nodded down at the floor, rubbing at his forehead. His mind was whirling in a million different directions. He felt overwhelmed and sick. "Yeah, yeah…. Go ahead and leave them. That's fine."

She gave him a smile and set the pile neatly upon the corner of the table. "Alright, then," she whispered, then walked cautiously over to her friend. "You do know what you have to do, right? You need to tell him…."

"I know. I'll talk to him tomorrow. I just need the night…to think about this. What it all means." Harry sighed, feeling the weight of the world upon his shoulders. "But…thank you, Hermione." His arms wrapped securely around her for a moment, holding her close to his chest and feeling satisfied in her support in that moment. He truly didn't know what he would do without her. "And…I'd love it if you would explain all of this to Ron. I'm not even sure how to go about telling him any of this."

"Of course," she giggled softly and squeezed him once before letting go. "We're here for you, Harry. Always."

"I know. Goodnight." Harry sent his friend off with a heavy heart and an even weightier set of muscles. His entire being dreaded what he knew he had to do the next day. Explaining all of this to Draco would be nerve-wracking. And if what he was fearing was actually reality, he wasn't sure what he was going to do. But if he were to overthink this, he knew nothing would turn out right. Maybe it was just best to sleep on it….

XxX

Standing outside of Malfoy's Apothecary was more nerve-wracking than facing Voldemort. Harry's heart pounded loudly in his ears. His palms felt like they were oozing sweat. He felt as if he could throw up his entire breakfast. And his knees could honestly give out at any moment. None of this was adding up to make him especially eager to take that last step forward to knock upon the door.

The sign said that the shop was closed, but it was well past ten in the morning. Everyone else around him was opened up, except for Malfoy. _Draco_. He had made a point of putting the past behind him. He had decided that this was going to be different. Seeing him right now was about seeing Draco for who he was. About getting over differences they'd had before. About putting everything aside and laying himself out for this man. If he was willing to take him in any form at all. Friend, lover, family? Whatever he was comfortable with.

Harry had decided he would take anything. He had decided that this man meant a fair deal to him, even if he hadn't been able to realize it before.

One deep breath and the man was reaching out towards the door. He knocked hard three times, then hastily took a step back again.

"We're closed! Can't you read?"

An automatic smile slipped onto Harry's lips as he heard the voice. Squinting up at the sun, he took a couple more steps back and laid eyes on the man on the balcony above. "I can, but…I was hoping you were still inside somewhere…."

Draco rolled his eyes, leaning against the banister around his apartment's small walkout. His arms were crossed in typical defiance, but other than that he didn't look a lick like his old self. He was more mature and less of a snot, and he was undeniably gorgeous. A man didn't have to be gay to see that. "There are other apothecaries in the area, you know. Ones that are most likely open for business. So why don't you run off to one of them, because it sure seems like you're good at running," he hissed, avoiding looking directly at Harry.

"Which is why I ran back here," Harry called, biting his lip and kind of hoping for a miracle. If Draco was any different as far as his ability to hold a grudge went, then there was at least a small hope. "I need to talk to you…."

Sighing heavily, Draco pushed up off the railing and turned back towards his apartment. For a moment Harry feared that all hope was lost and that he would have to try again another day. But just before the man disappeared inside, his soft words carried on the air over to him. "The door's unlocked…."

Without wasting a second, Harry rushed inside. He took the steps through the shop, to the store room, and up the stairs to the apartment in a hazy daze. Truly his nerves were starting to get the best of him. He even considered running away for a second or two. But he _needed_ to be here. He needed to get his words out. This man deserved them.

"Fifty-two days…."

Harry's foot fell heavily upon the top step into the apartment. He frowned, looking up at the pale man sitting on the couch in front of him. He looked like he hadn't left in days. Hadn't showered, hadn't changed out of his pajamas, hadn't really eaten…. He didn't look good. "Excuse me?" Harry whispered and took hesitant steps towards him.

Draco ran a hand over his face, then through his haphazard shoulder-length hair, hitting a few snags. "Fifty-two days you waited before coming back. That's a long time, Potter. I don't actually understand why you bothered at all, after so much time…."

Taking a deep breath, Harry seated himself next to Draco. As close as he could get and taking the man's hand in his, caressing the back of it gently with his thumb. "Because I think our baby should know who both of its fathers are…."

The hitch to Draco's breath was expected. He was even right to pull his hand away and stand up, looking like he'd been struck. The slap he gave the other man might have been just a bit too far, however. "Just because you're the fucking Chosen One, doesn't mean you get to know everything! It doesn't mean secrets aren't privileged to those who wish to keep them! I am still entitled to some sort of privacy!" There were tears in his silver eyes and he turned away to hide them. "Excuse me," he whispered a moment later, such a contrast to his screams, as he rushed off towards what must have been a bathroom.

The sound of Draco emptying his stomach contents could be heard just after the door closed behind him. Harry rubbed at where he'd been struck, standing as well and following him to the restroom. Listening to his groans of pain and disgust, guilt settled deep into his belly. He'd done this to this man without even knowing it. He hadn't even known the implications his actions could have. And now he felt like an asshole.

"Look, Draco…," Harry started through the door as he heard the run of the tap. "No one told me, okay? No one said anything. Your secret was never shared. I just…. I've been trying to process what happened that day. I wasn't really myself. And it turns out…that some weird shit goes on inside of my body. And you were roped into it before I even knew anything about myself. And I'm sorry…. I just kind of assumed that you were pregnant, and I'm sorry for that. But… It seems I was right…."

"Yes, you're right." Draco opened the door slowly, squirting a glob of toothpaste upon a toothbrush. He still wouldn't meet Harry's eyes, something like shame in his own as he stared at his sockless feet. "But, don't worry, it wasn't too much of a shock. I've had this talk with my parents – the whole male pregnancy thing. I may be gay…but I am still expected to produce a Malfoy heir somehow. Unfortunately…a bastard doesn't exactly count of much of anything…." He sighed brokenly, sticking the toothbrush in his mouth and turning back into the bathroom.

It was official, now. Since the night before, Harry had been turning the idea of being a father over and over again in his head. He'd gone through every possible emotion, but thought he had settled upon hesitant and scared. However, now, he wasn't sure what he was feeling. There was still that hesitancy, sure, but something else was layered over it now. Something that almost felt like pride or a need to protect. He reached out to push the door to the bathroom open further, slipping inside. "I'm sorry for putting you in this position…," he said gently, settling behind the other man and making the bold move to slip his arms around Draco. His fingers slipped up under the man's sleep shirt, caressing the already slightly-protruded belly.

Draco kept his eyes firmly trained upon his own reflection in the mirror, mechanically moving the toothbrush over his teeth. He stayed silent for the couple of minutes that he kept brushing, then finally spat into the sink and rinsed his mouth out. "The healer said it's probably just bloating. Or twins…." A gorgeous blush spread over those pale cheeks as he finally met the brilliant green eyes in the mirror.

His fingers gently caressing the bubbled skin, Harry couldn't help but to smile. Maybe he was okay with this…. Maybe he could love this. "Whatever it is…it's beautiful…." His touches darkened in nature, his nails scratching possessively. "I'm not…gay, Draco. But I do want this. I want this baby and you and…. Look, I don't even understand it. But I'm here if you'll take me. We can do this together." He delved his fingertips further down, snagging for a moment upon the man's belly button before slipping down into the stretchy waistband of his trousers.

With a groan, Draco's head fell back upon Harry's shoulder. He reached up to grip at the other's shoulders, squeezing in encouragement. "I don't even care what your reasoning is, Potter…. If you want to help me raise this child, I'm not going to protest."

"I'll stay with you. We did this together…we can keep it together." Harry pulled Draco roughly closer to his body, plunging his hand into his pants and grasping his soft member. He earned a brave moan as he stroked the cock to life and set his teeth to the man's neck.

This baby sealed the fact that this man was his. Harry reveled in that fact, needing to taste every inch of what was his. Needing to possess this man as his own for the rest of his life. He had no idea why he was fine spending every single moment with a man, _this_ man, until he died. But he didn't care. This was what he wanted. It was what he _needed_. What was wrong with that?! He was sure in what he wanted, and that was all that should matter.

A bold move later had Draco pinned up against the bathroom counter. Harry lifted him up off his feet, settling him on top as he crushed their lips together. "_You're mine_," he whispered, this time aware of the hisses running along his tongue. He filed away a reminder to talk to Draco about the smaller details later. To explain what had happened fifty-two days ago. But right now, he knew it could wait. He just needed to be inside of this man again. Needed to make him his own again. "_I love you_…. Draco, I love you."

When Draco pulled back to stare at Harry at this revelation, the other man took the opportunity to rid him of his clothing. He slipped his shirt off first, trailing kisses down his chest and stomach. Then he worked his trousers and pants off easily, taking ahold of his flushed cock again after stealing a squirt of lotion from the bottle in the corner. "You don't, uhn…. Love me. You don't," Draco groaned harshly and rutted up into the touch.

"I do," Harry chuckled, pulling him closer. "I do love you and you'll love me, too. You will because you're mine." As he worked his hand over the heated organ, his other guided Draco's to his own trousers. Silently encouraging him to undo them. He needed this man. Needed to make love to him. Needed to show him that he could never have better.

Still seeming a bit shocked, Draco undid the button then the zipper to Harry's pants before sliding them down along with his boxers. He, too, grabbed a dollop of lotion before latching onto the man's member.

The men moaned simultaneously, becoming one person in their heated moment. A minute later, their bodies joined together with one rough thrust. Draco made a small pained sound, but Harry was only spurred on further by it. It was harsh and passionate in a completely different way than their first time. This time Harry was more aware of his actions and better able to make his own decisions. He _knew_ he wanted it this time and that made a world of difference.

"I want you to move in with me. I want you to marry me. I want you to always be _mine_," Harry muttered against Draco's lips, pounding into him. At this point, he was only using the counter as a prop for his lower back. They used each other's respective muscles to remain close, movements synchronous and beading sweat.

Again, it didn't last long. But, this time, both men came together. Harry filled Draco as the blonde splashed his seed violently over their chests. "Fuck," they panted together, fingers latched desperately around one another's various limbs.

"You better not think that was a valid marriage proposal," Draco whispered, wrapping his arms around Harry's neck and nuzzling into his neck. Hiding his unsure tears. The other man seemed so adamant on this being what he wanted. But he himself just needed a little more time. He needed a little more than two rushed fucks and a baby to know this was his future.

"I'll come up with something better," Harry said on a laugh and ran his fingers through that brilliant blonde hair and down the arch of his spine. "For now just know that it's on my mind…."

A part deep inside of Harry felt satisfied. _This_ felt right. It was what he had been searching for and he was able to recognize the feelings it was giving him now. He ran away last time, but he had been foolish back then. Scared. And now he knew he had never been surer of anything else in his life. It wasn't something he could explain, but that didn't matter to him. And anyone who questioned it could just deal with that as an answer.

"I just…love you…," Harry sighed, kissing the top of Draco's head. Holding him close and never wanting to let go. Silently thanking the twist of fate that gave him the ability to speak Parseltongue in the first place. He knew they could be happy like this. All three (or four?) of them.


End file.
